Questions from Readers
Meet Carol: Psychotherapist from NYC with 35-years in private practice. She has looked and worked with Love and Relationships from many different perspectives.
Carol: What is the magnetism and chemistry that attracts two people?
The Communicators: To ask this particular question is very much an “intellectual” pursuit and as we work in energetic vibrations it is the place from which we must decipher your question. That which humans see as “attraction” between souls is very much an energetic alignment between the two souls. In many ways an attraction and a repulsion can both have the same intensity. However, one connects to a positive aspect of a person’s being and one will tend to connect to what is seen as the shadow side or undeveloped aspect of a person. Attractions are not always “positive” per se. For instance, they could be a union between fearfulness in one person and fearfulness in another person, but when they blend together there is a familiarity and a “recognition” that can cause one person to be drawn to another person. Dear, we can go on and on with this discussion and, yet, we do not feel that it will be useful to those that are in confusion about relationships.
Illumination can come in many forms. Often a soul is unable to see/feel their own light and they are seeking to be illuminated by another person. They become drawn to the light and brilliance of another. While they are together, they feel “elated / transported” and believe they are in love. This connection opens up the individual to experience what they believe has been lacking within themselves and, as long as they feel the “illumination,” they believe they are in love. Pulling energy from another soul is unsustainable over long periods of time and eventually that feeling of illumination must be self-generated or the connection can not stay alive. Souls must seek their own level of wholeness and then they can truly know what loving another is all about
Meet Leigh: The Editor of Healing Guidance Newsletter
Meet Carla and Ben: They have been married for 16 years and have an 11 year-old son.
Carla: Ben and I have known each other for 18 years. We love each other very much, but we also feel that our communication energy-flow is often blocked. We are afraid to totally open up to each other. We would like to ask for guidance on how we can both support each other in growing individually and still stay connected.
Communicators: Hello dearest Carla, we welcome you. Dear, that which you ask does not have a simple answer, however, to keep it simple we would say it is your “pasts” that get in the way of your communication. These “pasts” are the armor you both created so that you could “survive” in the world. You each have your own “style” but, in both cases, it is a protective device. Dear, that which was needed when you were children is no longer needed today and, slowly you are both shedding these outer protective layers. Dear, the way in for both of you is to continue with your individual counseling, as well as, family counseling. There is a great deal of childhood pain that you have both been holding on to. Dear, your “gripes” are really not with the other person—even though at times you may be annoyed with each other. It has more to do with “habits” you both learned early in life. In many ways your “issues” are a perfect compliment to each other. And, in being so, they maximize your healing and growth. Dear, as a couple and as individuals you have grown tremendously and all the “hard work” you have put in has and will continue to reap the benefits. Be patient with yourselves and with each other. It is a process that is unfolding each day and you are both doing quite fine.
Meet Jo: Jo is in the second half of her century, single and is now living in Manhattan. She has traveled and lived abroad for many years and has been married twice.
Jo: All the men I have been truly passionate about I have not married or I have lost them. I settled for husbands who treated me extremely well and whom I felt, for the most part, emotionally safe with. My question is: How can I have the passion—sexually, sensually, intimately, creatively, socially—in a long-term monogamous relationship? I want one partner, a life companion, a soul mate, some one I am deeply in love with. I do not want to “settle”. I want it all. Is it possible?
The Communicator: Dear, you are in a new place in your life and you are looking at life in a new way. This is causing you to want to put down some roots and, yet, you also want to know that you have a way to escape if your feel the need to. There has been an ongoing push/pull inside of you and that is what you are working on to resolve.
Dear, you long for connection in a very romantic way and, at the same time, you also long to be free and very independent. The men you selected to marry, mirrored the places within yourself you were in at the time. When you wanted to run, you selected a more settled man. When you wanted to be more settled, you selected a man who wanted to run. You have been selecting men that are the polar opposite of yourself.
Dear, you have not yet come to a place in your own self where you have found a way to “do your own thing” and experience a deep romantic connection. With the men with whom you have cohabited in the past, you knew, in some ways, you had some power over them so that you could be free if you wanted to be. These latest connections are actually a step up for you in that you could not use your “old ways of manipulating” these men because they were too seasoned themselves in being slippery and non-committal.
Dear, if you want to change the type of men you attract, you will need to continue to do your own inner work to integrate the various parts of yourself and to find balance within yourself. In the past, you had split off a part of yourself and were seeking someone outside of yourself to compliment you. And, now, you are indeed beginning to seek an inner wholeness and that, in turn, will translate into attracting a partner who is also whole within himself.